Lose two stone and a bit wobbly around my waist. Get in shape and maybe even run a marathon (on that laugh when I get better. Did) learn to speak Spanish. Save more and do more (preferably both). Spring cleaning my closet, home, financial ... and life in general. Be a better wife, mother, daughter, parent and friend. Re-write my will and my pension. Put my photos in albums (not because I'm 19). Read board production, better books, play golf and visit more art galleries. Be more organized (especially with my presentation) and are much more patient, kind, beautiful person, and charity.
All the above have appeared on lists of the resolution of my new year at one time or another. Some indeed appear, year after year. Most are broken for three days and disposed of seven days.
I'm not alone. Researchers estimate that less than a quarter of us our decisions, ask me, makes, why keep the trouble? I think it has something to do with the optimism of new beginnings. This is an opportunity to change, improve, and the best possible version of us. Midnight on New Year's Eve is like a line in the sand we leave behind the mistakes and failures of the past and we move into the future, with all its limitless possibilities.
It reminds me of a child and feel that anything was possible on the first day of school after the summer holidays. I want to open the original book of blank, I take my pen back to a real effort to do my best to solve. The first few days, I would write my beautiful, was very good and concentrated like crazy for me not to make mistakes. For two weeks (if not before), the writing flows and corrections scribbled my teacher was common on the page. The kick in reality, old habits again and I promise it will be different next time.
Why do so many of us with our decisions in January ... and some of us arrived before the Christmas decorations? I think we think too much pressure on ourselves, set goals, only "should" or because we "should" not specific enough about our goals, we will not succeed, or simply feel too lazy, stressed, busy , tired, hungry, sick, angry, bored, or motivation to do is too late today and tomorrow - our desire to overcome our will, once again.
I recently found a winning formula for change: D + V + F> R works for any change, must D (dissatisfaction with the status quo), V (Vision of a better future) and F (first steps that are possible ) should be higher than R (strength). Apply it on our New Year's resolutions for our success, we must be clear with ourselves that for the "why" do we change happen, we must consider the "what" is different and we must plan how "(with small steps and measurable).
I would like to add an S to support the formula. It is a great help for someone (be it a friend, spouse or a coach), to encourage us, responsibility and kick ass weird if necessary.
I also think we need to cut some slack and do not stop at the first sign of failure. Many of us take the "all or nothing" decisions and thus delivery to the first bite of chocolate cake person, a missed appointment or a gym budget overspending. It is recalled that the change is a process and it is to bring in order, disorder. The most important thing one more chance is to give you the desired change to become a habit.
I'm going to let you in on the secret. I do not make decisions anymore. Instead, I use the entire month of January, to take stock. My husband David and I are in a form of hibernation. We accept invitations (not that much of January) to entertain and not to stop movies on DVD. With the free time we win, we focus on achieving our house in order, thinking about our priorities and decide what to do next year.
We also use the time to offer a fast connection MOT. We review our performance as a partner, and whether we give enough time for the most important in our lives.
Maybe in the year 2010 draws to a close, you can reflect on their relationships. If you have not read my book, true relations of the Interior, is a good way to develop relations in a general health check. But if you want to start now, here are 10 points, could make for a positive investment climate in their relationship. Try one or all 10, and I'm sure you see a good return for their efforts.
1. Take the time to meet their priorities. All too often we spend time on the urgent at the expense of what is important and we take our loved ones are the scum of our time, energy and concentration left. Why not decide who or what is most important to you and make sure that they care they need? It may seem artificial, but the booking of your daily time with your family is the only way to make sure to leave the days or weeks, not without you, spend time together.
2. Improve the "face" time. The next time you are an e-mail attempts from your colleagues at the next table or text to a friend who lives near the corner, go talk to them in person.
3. Limit your criticism. If you say something negative to someone who must ensure that it fits at least five points. Negative comments are much longer than the beautiful, so you to input more positive if they do not want to go the balance of the relationship in the red.
4. Learn more about your anger. Anger is like an alarm system: It says something is wrong. Watch for it and wondering what is the cause. Is it something that someone has done or is indicative of a problem in itself that has to do? Sometimes, our anger tells us more about ourselves than the apparent target of our anger.
5. Practice, a good listener. If you really listen to another person, we offer a great gift. Shows that we understand better. If someone says something important, try not to interrupt, advise or refer the matter to "you".
6. Take responsibility for your actions. When relationships go wrong, it can be tempting to blame the other person and concentrate on all the ways we must change. The truth is that we do not change another person, but we can change our own reactions and behavior. It takes only a change in the dynamics of a relationship.
7. Be willing to say "sorry" - and the means. It can be hard to admit when we're wrong, or if we mixed up, but if we want - it opens the door for healing in relationships and also to a greater depth.
8. Show your appreciation. They do not like it can not take for granted and most people read your mind when you thankful that someone say in your life or the things that I have with you, I am. Even better than writing a letter on the right side - one with a pen - so they can read and hold.
9. Take the initiative. Regardless of the change that you start in your relationships, by seeing the initiative. If your partner do you like best and then show your love in the way you want it delivered. If you are single and going to an appointment, ask someone. If you can be alone, ask someone who also feel alone. In other words, treat others as you would like to be treated.
10. Let your "No" "no" and "yes" or "yes". If you say yes to something - to help maintain a level of trust, or under garbage - you keep your word. And if someone tells you "Yes", when in fact means "no", then do not respond to pressure. Tell the person you think, then come back. Too many relationships and many people feel stressed because they can not say no. If so, say "no" more often may be the resolution of this year.
I take this opportunity to thank you all for your support, questions and letters and also to let you know that, unfortunately, InsideOut last column in the newspaper. As the new year, is moving online. I hope you are with me and continues to make with questions, suggestions and advice.
I wish you all a happy new year.
All the above have appeared on lists of the resolution of my new year at one time or another. Some indeed appear, year after year. Most are broken for three days and disposed of seven days.
I'm not alone. Researchers estimate that less than a quarter of us our decisions, ask me, makes, why keep the trouble? I think it has something to do with the optimism of new beginnings. This is an opportunity to change, improve, and the best possible version of us. Midnight on New Year's Eve is like a line in the sand we leave behind the mistakes and failures of the past and we move into the future, with all its limitless possibilities.
It reminds me of a child and feel that anything was possible on the first day of school after the summer holidays. I want to open the original book of blank, I take my pen back to a real effort to do my best to solve. The first few days, I would write my beautiful, was very good and concentrated like crazy for me not to make mistakes. For two weeks (if not before), the writing flows and corrections scribbled my teacher was common on the page. The kick in reality, old habits again and I promise it will be different next time.
Why do so many of us with our decisions in January ... and some of us arrived before the Christmas decorations? I think we think too much pressure on ourselves, set goals, only "should" or because we "should" not specific enough about our goals, we will not succeed, or simply feel too lazy, stressed, busy , tired, hungry, sick, angry, bored, or motivation to do is too late today and tomorrow - our desire to overcome our will, once again.
I recently found a winning formula for change: D + V + F> R works for any change, must D (dissatisfaction with the status quo), V (Vision of a better future) and F (first steps that are possible ) should be higher than R (strength). Apply it on our New Year's resolutions for our success, we must be clear with ourselves that for the "why" do we change happen, we must consider the "what" is different and we must plan how "(with small steps and measurable).
I would like to add an S to support the formula. It is a great help for someone (be it a friend, spouse or a coach), to encourage us, responsibility and kick ass weird if necessary.
I also think we need to cut some slack and do not stop at the first sign of failure. Many of us take the "all or nothing" decisions and thus delivery to the first bite of chocolate cake person, a missed appointment or a gym budget overspending. It is recalled that the change is a process and it is to bring in order, disorder. The most important thing one more chance is to give you the desired change to become a habit.
I'm going to let you in on the secret. I do not make decisions anymore. Instead, I use the entire month of January, to take stock. My husband David and I are in a form of hibernation. We accept invitations (not that much of January) to entertain and not to stop movies on DVD. With the free time we win, we focus on achieving our house in order, thinking about our priorities and decide what to do next year.
We also use the time to offer a fast connection MOT. We review our performance as a partner, and whether we give enough time for the most important in our lives.
Maybe in the year 2010 draws to a close, you can reflect on their relationships. If you have not read my book, true relations of the Interior, is a good way to develop relations in a general health check. But if you want to start now, here are 10 points, could make for a positive investment climate in their relationship. Try one or all 10, and I'm sure you see a good return for their efforts.
1. Take the time to meet their priorities. All too often we spend time on the urgent at the expense of what is important and we take our loved ones are the scum of our time, energy and concentration left. Why not decide who or what is most important to you and make sure that they care they need? It may seem artificial, but the booking of your daily time with your family is the only way to make sure to leave the days or weeks, not without you, spend time together.
2. Improve the "face" time. The next time you are an e-mail attempts from your colleagues at the next table or text to a friend who lives near the corner, go talk to them in person.
3. Limit your criticism. If you say something negative to someone who must ensure that it fits at least five points. Negative comments are much longer than the beautiful, so you to input more positive if they do not want to go the balance of the relationship in the red.
4. Learn more about your anger. Anger is like an alarm system: It says something is wrong. Watch for it and wondering what is the cause. Is it something that someone has done or is indicative of a problem in itself that has to do? Sometimes, our anger tells us more about ourselves than the apparent target of our anger.
5. Practice, a good listener. If you really listen to another person, we offer a great gift. Shows that we understand better. If someone says something important, try not to interrupt, advise or refer the matter to "you".
6. Take responsibility for your actions. When relationships go wrong, it can be tempting to blame the other person and concentrate on all the ways we must change. The truth is that we do not change another person, but we can change our own reactions and behavior. It takes only a change in the dynamics of a relationship.
7. Be willing to say "sorry" - and the means. It can be hard to admit when we're wrong, or if we mixed up, but if we want - it opens the door for healing in relationships and also to a greater depth.
8. Show your appreciation. They do not like it can not take for granted and most people read your mind when you thankful that someone say in your life or the things that I have with you, I am. Even better than writing a letter on the right side - one with a pen - so they can read and hold.
9. Take the initiative. Regardless of the change that you start in your relationships, by seeing the initiative. If your partner do you like best and then show your love in the way you want it delivered. If you are single and going to an appointment, ask someone. If you can be alone, ask someone who also feel alone. In other words, treat others as you would like to be treated.
10. Let your "No" "no" and "yes" or "yes". If you say yes to something - to help maintain a level of trust, or under garbage - you keep your word. And if someone tells you "Yes", when in fact means "no", then do not respond to pressure. Tell the person you think, then come back. Too many relationships and many people feel stressed because they can not say no. If so, say "no" more often may be the resolution of this year.
I take this opportunity to thank you all for your support, questions and letters and also to let you know that, unfortunately, InsideOut last column in the newspaper. As the new year, is moving online. I hope you are with me and continues to make with questions, suggestions and advice.
I wish you all a happy new year.
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